How To Connect Emotionally With Your Teenager
The job of all parents is to meet the emotional needs of children at each stage of their development so that they can move toward the demands that will take place in the next stage. In the teenage years, everything that has been done right and wrong in parenting comes to the fore. Parents should invite their children to trust them emotionally until they are emotionally ready to depend on themselves.
Too often in Western culture teens are allowed to transfer their emotional dependency outside of the family, something that can create disastrous results. Teens often give up on their parents’ guidance, only to realize the harsh reality and realize that other teens don’t have the development they need to grow.
It is not appropriate for an adolescent to withdraw emotionally from their parents or for them to allow it, as it would be a clear sign of a damaged relationship. When this happens, it is never too late to reconnect emotionally with a teenager, it will always be a good time to reach out to him. But how can you connect with your child?
Your teenager needs you emotionally
The first step is to realize that even if your child just wants to proclaim his independence, the reality is that he needs you emotionally almost like breathing. That he wants to be independent to show his personal identity does not mean that he cannot be in contact with you.
If you respect your child to exercise his own judgment and to be himself, you will be able to see who your child is without having to enter into power struggles and your child will feel that you respect and trust him. Guidance on the path and respect for your child’s thinking does not have to be at odds.
Listen and empathize
It is important that you keep the advice to a minimum unless your child has specifically asked for it. Every time you are giving him advice without asking or without asking permission to give it, you are giving him the wrong message: that he is not capable of solving problems on his own.
This message should not be positive for your teenager, so you need to be by his side to listen to everything he has to say and to empathize with his feelings, so he will feel valued and respected and can be more receptive to your words.
Always be available
For most teens this means that you can be there whenever they want to open their hearts. They don’t need pressure to speak, because they won’t. What a teenager needs is to feel free to count on you whenever they need you. It is necessary to find ways to be close to the children and for them to know that we are available whenever they need us. It’s as easy as saying a phrase like: ‘I’ll be shopping during the morning but feel free to call me on my mobile if you need me’ or perhaps: ‘I’ll be at work but if you need me, call me and I’ll call you back as soon as I can.’
You must also be emotionally available
The most important part of staying available is your mood. Your child feels your emotional availability. If you have a close relationship with your teenager, you will know when he needs to talk with little or no telling. This can be more complicated when you also handle other job responsibilities or other matters that take your attention away.
But your children should feel that they are the most important thing to you, even if you are busy, make him see that you are emotionally available and that you can immediately talk to him about what is happening.
Of course, it is also very important that:
- Keep the lines of communication open
- When your child is irritable, do not take it personally, stay calm and be a good guide for him.
- Connect with your child also physically, give him daily hugs and kisses
- Tell him that you want him every day
- Show him that you love him along with your words
- Be assertive when you want to communicate with your child
- Do not judge or criticize
- Respect their thoughts even if you don’t share them.
