What To Do When Motherhood Makes You Have An Identity Crisis
If you look back, it seems inevitable to go through an identity crisis after having a baby. If you talk to other mothers, you will find that almost all of them have been through it. Whether it comes after a few days, a few months, or even a few years after becoming a mother, there is no question about it: motherhood causes a major change in identity and sometimes causes crises.
Before the baby and the identity crisis
It is possible that before having your baby you were convinced that you would return to work after your maternity leave and that you would return to your growing career. Later, you realize that full-time work may not be the best option when your belly is full… And you don’t really know how everything will go.
You will get up in the morning thinking about how much time you will have to get ready when you have to take care of the baby. They are doubts that, although they seem banal, they are real, and this can cause that, when you have your baby and you realize that your time is zero for you, an identity crisis begins that you did not expect to have.
New moms are constantly expressing priority changes, which are good and fully expected. However, these changes can make different areas of your life feel unbalanced. You will go from having time to enjoy your family and friends to finding a balance with your children, your partner’s time, work and the family budget.
Identity crisis
All of this may make you feel like an identity crisis because you have become a mother and your life has completely changed. You have to be clear about something: a stronger and more focused version of your best “self” can grow. Follow these tips when you think everything is falling apart and you will realize it.
Accept change in the face of identity crisis
First things first: don’t fight change. So what if you went from being a career woman to a stay-at-home woman? Well, nothing, because you decide what and how to do it. Accepting that life is constantly changing is essential to move towards the new you.
What once seemed like a good idea might not fit what is best for you and your family now, and that’s okay. See change as an exciting opportunity. You have to take a step back and look at who you want to become in this next phase of life.
Be determined, but don’t be stubborn
It’s easy to feel stubborn about your life’s path. You had a concrete idea of how you wanted your life to be, but now that path has taken you in a completely different direction. If there is something that having a new baby teaches us, it is that flexibility makes everything easier. This is the time to be open to all new possibilities.
Do one thing at a time
Don’t get overwhelmed trying to find your new “you” all at once. Many areas of life are affected when a baby enters the scene: internal and external trust, relationships with partners, family and friends, career goals and your personal style. Trying to tackle everything at once will be frustrating and ineffective. Instead, focus on one thing at a time. Attack first the area that seems to take up most of the mental space.
If you’re constantly thinking about getting back in shape, create a nutrition and training plan to help you get where you want to be. Once you feel comfortable and are doing all you can in that area, that is when you can move on to the next one.
Accept your new “you” in the identity crisis
Don’t think of going through an identity crisis as trying to rediscover your old self. It disappeared as soon as you held your little one in your arms for the first time. Now, you have a new “I”, in capital letters, yes, because it is very important to keep it. You have to take some time to resolve what you are uncomfortable with.
Do you have friendships that no longer make sense in your new life? Do you need to learn a new tool to communicate with your partner? Don’t waste energy mourning these changes. However, use them to fuel your journey onward. It is your path and you have to trace it with energy.
We all go through an identity crisis
It’s so easy to get carried away by the Instagram and Pinterest lifestyle. People on social media really seem to have perfect lives, don’t they? The truth is that it is not like that; they only show what they think is best in their lives.
That perfect-looking mother who seems to have it all struggled with identity as much as the next mother. When a change as big as having a baby occurs, no one is immune from personal turmoil. It all comes down to handling those changes with introspection, dedication, and grace. Do not doubt that you can get it.
