My Children Come First … Today The Rest Of The World Can Wait

They come first. Our children are our north and the star Sirius, the brightest in the sky . They are our priority and the first thought of our mornings. However, it is not always possible for us to dedicate all the time we would like to, therefore, it is necessary to look for moments, magical instants where time and the whole world can stop to give it to them, to tell them “today everything can wait, today life is ours ”.

Let’s look back for a moment. Let’s try to place it in a happy moment of our childhood. Most likely, our emotional memory will take us instantly to a daily moment that we share with our mother, our father, our grandparents or with our siblings.

This is so for a very simple reason: our brain is governed by social mechanisms, and therefore it will give greater meaning to those moments of our childhood where we felt the closeness of the people who were dear to us, who actively and sincerely showed us that we were loved, we were important.

Later, and as one reaches adulthood, one can certainly appreciate those little moments of loneliness and complicity with oneself. However , when you are a child this never happens, because what there is is a natural need for “time sharing”,  for having mom close by, dad by your side … A closeness as necessary as the food itself.

Our children need to see life through a soap bubble, and perceive that the seconds crawl at a snail’s pace as they walk hand in hand. They long to ask us impossible questions, draw us their dreams, paint the moon green and the sun purple, they want to immerse themselves in our gazes while we tell them a story, or two, or a hundred …

We cannot do all of this daily, seven days a week and twenty-four hours a day. However, today can be a good day to “stop time” for them, for your children.

My children are my priority, but I do not neglect myself as a person, as a couple …

Our children are the first on the list, the flag of our life, the button that unites all our hopes and dreams. However, we must remember that no priority can be well served if we ourselves do not learn to prioritize as well.

• Investing in your own personal growth, in your self-esteem and psychological well-being is not neglecting your children: it is taking care of yourself so that you can take better care of them.

• Also, do not forget that in addition to being a mother or father, you are also a couple.
• Thus, it is vital that you do not lose your complicity, that you cultivate a sense of humor, that you have those moments alone to look into each other’s eyes, and keep dreaming, keep growing as people within a common project.
• Your children come first, there is no doubt, but your psychological well-being and emotional satisfaction confers a mattress of happiness, balance and security on your children.

Our children need unhurried attention and afternoons of smiles that never end

There is one aspect that we can never neglect: children understand, perceive and intuit much more than they can communicate. Thus, many of those details that do not escape a child’s gaze is the quality and authenticity of the care received.

To understand it better we can give an example. Marcos is 4 years old and today he is very happy because his mother has decided to take him to the park after school. He almost never does it, because mom works a lot, because after school the one who picks him up is always his grandfather and he hardly shares time with the person he loves the most: his mother.

That afternoon is going to be very special, Marcos thinks. They are going to have a lot of fun. However, when he climbs to the top of the slide for her to see, he discovers his mother looking at his mobile. Every time he addresses her, his mother barely pays attention to him and just says “Sure Marcos, very good Marcos.”

• Our protagonist arrives home very sad, so much so that he can hardly explain what is happening to him. He has not felt accompanied, nor cared for, nor valued, nor loved …
• Our children need to perceive a real dedication. No matter how old they are, even a baby will detect if the bond with their parents is authentic, and will notice it based on the attention received, the closeness, the comfort, the looks, the tone of the voices …

Every day I will look for a little piece of time just for you

It doesn’t matter if you work. If your days are eternal, if you combine two jobs and you only have time to wake up your children in the morning and kiss them good night when the clock on the table strikes eleven o’clock.

In reality, what your children will remember tomorrow is if in the midst of that hustle and in your endless obligations, you remembered them and gave them a little time that tasted like magic, secret kisses, promises that they were fulfilled, with caresses that were admired for “how could I have had such a  handsome child”.

Dedicate them small daily bits of harmony, of memories that are evoked tomorrow with a smile, with a heartbeat that moves. Make them see at every moment that they are your priority, because it is not enough that you know it, they must notice it in your caresses, in your words, in your eyes and above all … in their heart.

Images courtesy of Vickie Wade