The Bad Mother Syndrome
The syndrome of the bad mother is a reality that, despite the multiple advances regarding the image of the concept of women, still persists. In other words, society is still able to frown upon women who wish to invest their time in matters outside of motherhood, such as their personal care, their professional career, and so on.
Previously, it was understood that the happiness of the woman should be subject to the fulfillment of her work, which consisted of doing household chores and taking care of the family. For this reason, when a woman sought to fulfill herself outside these areas, she was branded as a bad mother.
To be a good mother, you had to surrender to the home and give up all personal desires and also, you had to be 100% satisfied with this. In short, you had to be a devoted housewife.
What does the bad mother syndrome refer to?
Who was called a ‘bad mother’? To women who had ambitions, who wanted to have time to themselves on a daily basis, who tried to take care of themselves as much as they took care of their families, who dared to live their passions (such as a trade, career or even a hobby ) and, in short, not to stay 24/7 at home.
It is clear that there have always been many expectations regarding the role of women, but times change and, despite the impositions, many women have managed to get out of the norm to find their self-realization.
Being happy doesn’t make you a bad mother
Sacrifice, self-denial, repression of desires, needs and aspirations, and exhaustion is not the way to be a good mother. For something many women end up depressed or with major health problems for wanting to try to dehumanize.
In order to be a good mother, the most logical thing is to allow yourself to be human. So, you must learn to understand yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself and respect yourself. Keep in mind that the better you feel, the easier it will be for you to perform in any area on a daily basis, whether it is related to motherhood or not.
You should not force yourself to anything. Recognize your limits and try to do your best, but always from a healthy approach. It will be useless if you wear yourself out and be unhappy while trying to educate your children in a good environment.
There are no formulas to be the perfect mother, much less to be permanently happy, since it all depends on the case. However, it is clear that when in doubt, a psychologist can always be consulted for guidance.
recommendations
In the newspaper El País the experts shared their recommendations in relation to the bad mother syndrome. Some of them are:
Protect your children with advice, with arguments, guiding, educating in values, delimiting good from bad. But let them make decisions, fall and get up. Don’t overprotect them. You are not a better mother for removing the dangers of the environment. Potholes are always going to be there, whether you are with them or not. You cannot remove the stone from them, you just have to teach them to fight with it. Don’t feel responsible for their failures. They have to make mistakes, make decisions, and deal with frustration.
Don’t try to make up for the time you can’t spend with them by buying things from them. There is nothing to make up for. Working and having hobbies are part of the fullness of a person. Try to only be present when you spend time with your children. That means communication, listening, not picking up the phone while playing, eating or watching a movie with them. It has to do with fully enjoying what you are currently experiencing with them.
Make respect their time. You are not a bad mother for having time to yourself. Use the bathroom alone and with a latch, read for a while without being interrupted by voices from another room, practice your sport or have a private conversation with whoever you want without having your child chasing you around the house.
If we educate our children by being always available every time they look for us, they will understand that they always deserve our attention and their needs will become demands. Instill them with patience, knowing how to wait, and teach them that they are not the only ones who need attention.
Conclution
Bad mother syndrome can be left behind as long as the woman decides to allow herself to do so. To do this, you can rely on professional help and start taking small steps.
